Trust me when I say — the greatest thing you will ever do for yourself is to simply listen to what you actually want from life. Drown out the guidelines, the advice, the 'shoulds.' Drown out all of the opinions, all of the ways in which others are telling you how to live, and love, and exist in this world. It won’t be easy, it never is; because this is what they don’t tell you — finding your own version of happiness it isn’t this comfortable, miraculous thing. It can get confusing, it will be hard. It’s difficult to be the person who does things differently, who chooses to walk away from from a life, or a love, or a hope that they once wanted. It is never easy to be the person who changes. But it's the greatest gift you will ever give yourself. It will push you towards figuring out what your own personal version of happiness looks like; and when you grow on your own terms, when you figure out what actually matters to you, what actually ignites your heart, what actually drives you to love yourself more — you live on your own terms. You become the person you have always wanted to be, rather than the person you were always told to be, and that is beautiful. Because when it comes down to it — life is about finding a happiness that works for you. So choose that happiness. Choose the kind of love that feels right, the kind of love that makes you understand why it didn’t work out with anyone else. Choose the kind of life that makes you so damn happy you kept fighting for the things you wanted, for the way in which your heart asked you to believe in more. Choose yourself, unapologetically and without guilt — the way you choose others. Show up for yourself. Give yourself permission to hope, to care, to trust in the things you deeply crave from life. Choose letting go. Choose forgiveness, choose to turn your losses into lessons. Choose to move forward, into the kind of story that fulfills you, into the kind of person that holds your heart just as carefully as you hold theirs, into the kind of happiness that exists because you chose to fight for it, and never stop fighting for it. Never stop. ✨
I wish I could tell you that you have to do it a certain way. That you have to read a certain book, or take a certain trip. That you will be rewarded with a moment of beauty that changes your life, that unlocks the happiness inside of you, if you just do this or that. I wish I could tell you that you will heal in four months, or two weeks, or by next Monday if you really try. But I can’t. I can’t. For if there is anything I have learned about moving forward, about letting go, about becoming the person you want to become — it is that it happens in the quietest moments. Growth creeps into you, it burrows and it stretches, it cracks you open from the inside, and one day you wake up and you really connect with the fact that you are happy to have opened your eyes. One day you wake up and all you feel is intense love; you almost don’t know how to deal with all of the softness blooming from your fingertips. Hope pours out of you onto sidewalks, and into the arms of your lover, and into the words you write and the art you make and the depth of your laughter. You feel so damn lucky to be alive, and you don’t really know how it happened, or when it did. You don’t really know where the shift occurred, or what was responsible for it. But I don’t think you ever will — because happiness was never something you were going to find. Instead, it was something you were going to become. 💛
Little love day reminder 💛 My god, I hope you find love. And I don’t just mean that in regards to someone you wrap your tired bones around at night. I mean that I hope you find love in every aspect of your life. I hope you find it tucked into early morning sunrises, and the smell of your favorite places. I hope you find it strung between the laughter you share with your friends, I hope it bounces off of you when you hug the people you care for, I hope it swells within your ribcage whenever you hear your favorite song, or discover something that moves you. I hope you fall in love with growth, and change, and the messiness and the beauty of fucking up, and making mistakes, and becoming exactly who you want to be. I hope you find love in places that were once void of it, in places within yourself that you could have been softer to, kinder to, in the past . Because if there is one thing I have learned, it is that love is so much more than a boy, or a girl, who holds your heart. Love is everything around you. It is everything. ✨
I wish I could tell you when things are going to heal within your heart. I wish I could tell you that you’re better off, and that you deserve so much more than the person who broke you open, than the person who walked away. But I can’t. I can’t. Because I know how difficult it is to lose someone who is responsible for some of the happiest moments in your life. I know how difficult it is to lose someone who filled you with memories, who made you believe, even if just for a moment, in the tenderness and the existence of a love that was created for you. I know how difficult it is to unlearn all of that hope, to unravel it from your bones, to hold those goodbyes between your teeth, to not want to face the reality of that farewell. All I can tell you is this — the things that broke you, the things that cracked you open, they are all going to amount to something. They did not happen to you for nothing. And I know how hard it is to see that. I know how hard it is to believe in your growth before you feel it, before you see it. I know how difficult it is to believe in the lessons life is teaching you when they hurt you in ways you never thought you would be hurt, when they are unplanned and unwanted and unruly. But please, just remember — the people who left, the people who could not value you, the situations and the relationships that did not work out, the endings that came your way, they all led you here. And here you are growing. Here, your losses are lessons. Here you are learning about yourself, you are meeting your resilience, you are discovering your strength. Here you are healing, even if it feels like you are not, because here you are choosing to continue, you are choosing to move forward in the direction of all you truly do deserve, no matter how slowly the progress comes. Here, you are finding yourself again. Here, you are coming home. 💛
If you want to fall back in love with yourself—focus. Focus on the things that compel you, the things that stir something deep inside of yourself. Focus on the people who inspire you, the ones who support you and encourage you to grow into the per- son you have always wanted to be. Focus on the things that hurt, the things that create noise in your life, and commit to distancing yourself from them. You have to be comfortable with walking away from the human beings and the thoughts that no longer serve you. You have to be comfortable with walking away from the chaos of it all. Focus on the things that make you feel safe. The music, or the films, or the hands that make you feel like everything is blooming and awakening within you. Focus on the things that make you feel real, the things that make you feel whole. Truly focus—on the things that make you feel hope, on the small spaces in time that make you feel like it is all going to be okay, like you have a reason and a purpose and a right to be in the world. Just focus on the things that make you feel glad you are alive, focus on the things that feed your soul, and not only will you experience love—you will become it.
A soulmate isn’t someone who completes you. No, a soulmate is someone who inspires you to complete yourself. A soulmate is someone who does not judge you for your flaws. A soulmate is someone who sees your jagged edges, who sees the parts of you that have been weathered by love and by life, who sees the wars that you fight, and who chooses to stand beside you. A soulmate is someone who watches as you confront your scars from the inside; always encouraging you to heal on your own time, in your own way; always encouraging you to keep going. A soulmate is someone who challenges you to challenge yourself. Someone who sees the potential that courses through your bones, and who lets you know exactly what you are capable of. They help you to open your eyes, to come to terms with the fact that you are powerful beyond measure. They see you in ways that you have never been able to see yourself, and they are not afraid to inspire you until you finally see it too. See, a soulmate is someone who is not afraid of your growth. They do not feel the need to close you off, to protect you from becoming as big as you were always meant to be. They do not feel inadequate when they see you soar, when they see something new within you spark. A soulmate is someone who will never vilify you for changing, for doing the things you have always held yourself back from doing, because a soulmate knows that you are building yourself into someone you are proud of, and that is so beautiful to them — that is what they have always hoped for you. So no, a soulmate does not complete you — they inspire you to complete yourself. A soulmate is the person who supports your direction, who motivates and encourages you to stretch, to change, to reinvent yourself until you are happy. A soulmate is someone who loves you with so much conviction, and so much heart, that it is nearly impossible to doubt just how capable you are of becoming exactly who you have always wanted to be.
Be thankful for all that did not work out in your life. When you felt like you lost a human soul, when you gripped at its being, when you wished for it to stay — you gained space; and within that space you understood that the person you so deeply longed for did not meet your heart on its own level, did not try the way you tried, did not ache the way you ached. When you felt like you missed an opportunity, a pathway, a finish line on your journey — clarity bloomed within you, and you learned how to give yourself permission to change, you learned how to give yourself permission to make mistakes and overcome them, permission to take a different path, to dream a different dream. See, at the end of the day, all that you have lost, is all that you have gained. The Universe does not leave you empty, it always balances the scales within you. For all that it takes, it gives. For all that it destroys, it creates. Reassess all that you think is damaged, and defeated within you. Every breakdown was just a step forward into your becoming.
One day you’re going to wake up and your heart won’t be beating out of your chest for all of the wrong reasons. One day you’re going to cook breakfast to your favourite song and you’re not going to feel like the walls are closing in on you. One day you’re going to look in the mirror and you’re not going to recognize the person looking back at you, because you changed. You changed, and that is the single greatest reality of moving forward; that is the incredible outcome of surviving the hardest parts of your journey. And yes, sometimes life is going to kick your teeth in. Sometimes it is going to confuse you, sometimes nothing will make sense, and everything will be messy. But you’re going to learn. You’re going to fight tooth and nail, and you’re going to grow. Slowly but surely, you’re going to grow. You’re going to find your people. You’re going to stay up until 5am on a random Tuesday and talk about your past with someone who enlivens you. You may even fall in love. You’re going to go to concerts that ring truth through your bones and make you feel like your cells are vibrating. You’re going to stop and stare at the ocean and you’re going to feel so small, yet so fucking big, and you’re going to finally, finally, feel like things are falling into place. You’re going to be moved by your life. You’re going to feel everything all at once — you’re going to feel complete. Trust me when I say that one day it’s going to hit you — that you woke up happy, that you’re smiling for no reason, that your hands aren’t shaking anymore. One day, you’re going to remember what it was like to be you a year ago, or three years ago, or even a week ago, and you’re going to be so glad that you fought. You’re going to be so glad that you kept going.
The truth is, it isn’t always easy being the person who follows their dreams. It isn’t always easy being the person who does things differently, who chooses their own journey. It isn’t easy feeling like you are falling behind, like you are existing in a completely different lane in comparison to your peers. But instead of seeing that as a disheartening thing — you have to embrace the different lane. You have to let it motivate you. And when it comes to following your dreams, you have to understand that it is so much more than quitting your day job and padding your life with freedom. Some of the greatest creatives and innovators in the world had day jobs. Henry Miller was a copywriter, and he hated it. But he did it because he knew that the security that came from a job allowed for him to pay for his apartment, and his food, and the writing utensils he used to pen his first novels. Maya Angelou was a cable car conductor. Vonnegut was a taxi driver. All of these greats did what they had to do in order to support themselves, but they never stopped elbowing their way into the world. They never stopped believing in their vision. They fought for it, no matter what life presented them with. Because that’s the thing — life will happen to you. It will weather you. But it will never defeat you. You just have to know your purpose, and believe in it with ruthless conviction. You have to be your biggest fan, even when it is difficult, even when you feel like you’re not a shining example of success. You have to keep going. So keep going. Keep going and remind yourself that there will never be a perfect time to do things differently, or to pursue something that genuinely scares you. Following your passion doesn’t work like that. It is constant work, not just physically, but mentally. You will have to do the hard things. You will break and rebuild. You will find your resilience. You will roll with every circumstance that comes up for you. You will move forward. You will push towards the person you want to be, and the life you want to live, because while following your dreams is tough — you will always be tougher. 💛
There is more to life than the person who walked away from you. There is more to life than chasing after someone who does not want to be in yours. Trust me when I say — there is more to life. There is laughing until your stomach aches more than your healing. There is going out with friends and kissing their faces and talking to them about atoms and the universe and the fact that you are so damn lucky to be living at the same time as them, that you are so damn thankful you got to experience life with them by your side. They’ll scoop you into their arms and they will hug you so tight, that it will feel as if all of your broken pieces have finally come together again. There are warm summer evenings where the skies are dusted in rose and peach, the kind of evenings that feel like saltwater for your soul, the kind of evenings that cleanse you and hold you and make you feel so small, and so big at the same time. There are corner coffee shops with mugs in every shade of feeling where you will read the paper and pretend that you’re in Paris or Spain and sip too strong coffee as you learn to be alone. There are crystallizing moments, in the middle of crowds, where you will connect with the fact that your hands don’t feel as heavy anymore, that your heart is floating above water for the first time in months, that you feel happy, and light and full of hope. But most of all — there is you, in all of your glory and heart, learning how to love yourself day by day. There is you, in all of your depth, living, and feeling, and existing despite the hurt, despite the loss. There is you, being your own person, being your own strength. There is you, being there for yourself, for the first time in a long time. There is you, finding your own happiness. Now that is something worth chasing. That is something to care about.
At the end of the day, if someone wants to be in your life, they will be. Truly — they are capable, they will make the effort, they will show up. If they do not — let that be your closure. However, you do not have to hate them. You do not have to remember their contribution to your life as anything but beautiful. Do not ruin them in your mind, do not grip until you feel resentment. Instead, love them without attachment. Love the lessons they taught you. Wish them well every single time you think about them. Miss them, but do not ache for them to come back. If the people in your life left because they were not ready to value you, or love you, or be there for you, do not wish for them back, do not ask for them to be more than they can be at the moment. Wish for them to figure themselves out. Wish for them to grow. They are on their own journey — a journey you are not a part of. And that is okay. You have to learn that that is okay. So instead of focusing on the people who left, focus on the people in your life who have chosen to be there. Focus on the ones who stayed, on the ones who appreciate you and respect you. Focus on the people who match the love you give them, focus on the people who empower you and grow you and make your life beautiful. You are surrounded by human beings who will not shy away from the love you give. You are surrounded by human beings who know that they want you in their life, people who show you that every single day. Do not take them for granted. Do not lose touch of what you have, chasing what you no longer do. Trust me when I say — you will miss out on beautiful things if you continue to stay rooted in all of the ways you were wronged, if you continue to let your past pull you from experiencing what the present has to offer you. Do not close yourself off to your potential. Instead, open yourself to the world, and allow for it to fill that space with the kinds of people, the kinds of moments, and the kinds of experiences that exhilarate you, that compel you — that make you love yourself, and your life, and what you have to offer, more and more each day.
You are not broken. You’re becoming. ✨